Being a Turtle, my learning process

This image isn't made by me but it means a lot to me. This week I talked with a Psychologist in English, and it was tough to speak about my feelings in another language. But in the end, it was good. This picture is a reminder of this day and the phrase on it and the animal represented on it means a lot at this time in my life, and I will explain why.

Well, like I said in another post, I am 30 years old now, I am not so young and I started to learn a new course again. I never finished one course before, so I really want to finish this new opportunity. Because of this feeling of not wanting to give up again, I asked for help. 

I am saying this because I am feeling a little turtle during this journey. I am a really slow learner, in the past I felt guilty because I was not like the others and I wanted to be like the others and I blamed myself for not being. At this time I am trying to understand that I am slower than the others and it is not a problem, and it is more important to embrace who I really am and not be frustrated in not being like 'normal' others. 

I want to keep learning at my pace, at my speed. Sometimes is difficult not to compare myself with the others, younger and faster, like a hare and sometimes a cheetah. Because of this comparison, I am just feeling that I am a turtle and dumb. I always wanted to be a Hare, the faster one as possible! But I am trying to understand and accept that I am slow. And maybe was because of being a turtle that wanted to be a faster hare and couldn't manage how to be faster, that made me feel that I wasn't enough and because of this I just gave up on everything and every professional course before.

At this time, I want to embrace my pace and embrace that I am a little learner turtle. And that to be a turtle is not negative. I will have moments when I will need to enter inside my shell to feel better, and sometimes I will need to stop a little bit and it is normal, just I don't want to give up this time, I want to understand how I work and how the work affects me. I don't want to feel wrong when feel that I will have to pause, I don't want to compare my pace and feel guilty and think that I am not good enough because I have to stop a little bit and have entered into my shell. I don't want to give up because I am not as fast as I imagined I would be. 

And as in the message in the picture, I need to trust my journey. Trust in this time this feeling and the understanding of being a turtle don't affect me in a negative way. Trust that I am doing the right thing for me, and trust that at this moment I found my place, that I am happy doing what I am doing. And when I do not feel happy I could just retreat a little in my shell to recover and then continue on this journey. 

The other part of the message is Your speed doesn't matter, forward is forward. It was for me the most important part. A reminder to keep doing. Because is so easy for me to lose my mind when I am not feeling good enough or fast enough, fast enough for the limit that I imagine in my mind, that my journey needs to be faster! That I am losing time! I experienced it before, every time I started a new course, I just thought about the end, and how could I do it faster to get the certification the result of this behavior is that I got overwhelmed, gave up every time, and couldn't reach the end of the journey.

I never felt part of something during my other courses, I always felt that I wasn't in the right place. I couldn't visualize myself being this or that professional when I was studying for it. And for the first time in years, I feel that I belong somewhere. Feel that in the future I could work on something, be a professional and I could feel that I am good at doing it.  So, just wanting to believe that speed doesn't matter, makes me feel that I am at the right pace nowadays. 

I used the metaphor of being a turtle before the image appeared to me, the picture was just a confirmation of what I was feeling and a big universe connection.

I believe that I am just a turtle getting out of my egg now in this new journey. I will be slower in the sand because I just started the journey, but when I get into the sea, into the water I will be faster and maybe feel more secure about my skills. The ocean is too big and dangerous (I compare it with the job market) and I will be young in my career, but it will be better, every day it will be better, I am getting old every day as well and it is good too because is important to learn with experience, and one day I could be a big old turtle, full of knowledge.

For now, I am just slow and small, and every day is an important day because I need to survive and keep trying, with the problems and keep learning stuff. Even when I reach the level of swimming in the open sea, will be a big journey with there will be always other predators or faster animals, but it is me with me, I can feel afraid and tired sometimes but I need to keep trying.  Like Dory says in the movie Finding Nemo, Keep swimming! (at this moment I am not swimming yet).

I have found another turtle and it is really nice to find someone like me, but at this time I understand that we are similar but not igual, we have our particularity but we are not alone.  It is good to have some other companions during the journey. 

Every day I discover something new about me, which is good to share here. I think I need this reminder, that I am different and it is okay to be different, to understand my learning process, and that my time is not the same time as the others. Forward is Forwards doesn't matter the speed.  

XOXO

Duda

PS: After writing this text, I found this article by Nancy Mugele talking about turtles as an example of learning and it makes me identify myself even more as being that turtle.