About Mistakes

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I started to do a par of knitting socks with circular needles for the first time! I started doing one single foot at a time. And, I could finished that single sock if I had left the perfectionism behind me.

I said that because I undid parts of the socks 3 times by now, and I lost some stitches and it was so frustrating. It makes me sad. I thought: Why am I still doing this? Why just not start from the beginning? 

If you never knit, I will say that when you lose a stitch or have to undo some part of your work, is the worst! Putting the stitches again in the needle for me is horrible, I feel like I will not finish the thing that I am doing, because of my mistakes. 

But mistakes are just mistakes, I am very mad at myself because I couldn't see a mistake in my work. It is too hard for me, just to move forward and continue doing the work, and embrace the mistake. 

Sometimes, I want not to be so rude to me. I just want to enjoy the work and keep doing it. But every time I am not satisfied I give up or I destroy the thing, whatever it was. 

I am trying to learn that I will make mistakes in every area of life like my English is not perfect now, but I really need to try to improve it by doing, and it is ok.

Mistakes are human issues and I am human, handmade things are imperfect, singular, and unique. 

Handmade is about patience and learning that the stitches will not be equal, that one sock will not be the same as the other, and that is okay. No one is equal to anyone. Even if we try to copy, not is exactly the same. 

I am still trying to keep doing, to continue, to start new things, and to show/share things that I am trying to learn and improve. Growing my tree of knowledge and sharing my fruits, my flowers, and my shadow too. Because of this, I create this space, to try to embrace my imperfect parts and still continue. I wish that one day someone read my words, see my work, and feel helped. 

Answering the thought question that I wrote before in this text, I didn't start from the beginning again because I really wanted to prove that I could not erase my mistakes, that I need to see them and just try again, that the next will be better than this one.

I won't be so fixed about being the better at the first time. I am learning and I need to enjoy the process too. Life is not only perfectionism that people show in social media but there is so much more during the path of learning something, to turn "good" into something that some people don't share.

Being a beginner, and a newbie is the same time good and worse because it is only about the expectations that I created in my mind, that I need to be the best the first time that I try something. It is a lot of self-punishment and self-destruction because to learn and to visualize evolution in the process we will create a bond with us, respect, discipline, and practice. 

And why am I still trying to do my first circular needle sock? Because, I enjoy seeing how it was made by myself, with my own hands, using a pattern design for another person but it still has my aspects in it. 

Just to finish, the thing that I am doing at this moment is finishing my first pair of socks using circular needles and trying to keep moving my body with walks. Furthermore, I am learning how to manage imperfect projects and situations. 

Thanks for reading, XOXO

Duda

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